What are You Looking for?

What are You Looking for?

As financial coaches, we get asked for our expertise and advice daily.  We are looked upon as experts in personal finance and take a lot of pride in our ability to objectively use our training and experience to give unbiased fiduciary advice.  The question you must ask yourself, though, is what are you asking us when you propose a question?

Let me explain with a little anecdote that a longtime client and friend told me years ago.  For purposes of anonymity, I will refer to this client as Mr. Inflation (don’t worry, he is laughing right now).  Anyway, he gave me advice years ago as he was the only male in a house full of females.  He said, “Andrew, what I learned years ago when my girls bring me a problem is to ask one important question before answering.”  He goes on to say, “I ask them, sweetheart, is this a problem you want me to help solve, or is it a problem you want me to simply listen to and support?”

I thought that was a brilliant and very emotionally smart approach.  He was right, as my go to solve when my crew brings me issues is naturally to solve them.  That said, I have since learned that not every question or problem warrants solving, at least not from me. 

So, how does this translate to financial coaching?  The short answer is a ton.  Constantly, we are asked an interesting question about someone’s finances.  For example, should I finance that car purchase or pay out of cash, or should I pay off my 3% mortgage or invest those extra dollars?  Here are two great examples of questions we get all the time.  The interesting wrinkle is that in many situations, I am convinced individuals aren’t looking for our answer, rather they are looking for our support.

Interesting, right?  But it is true!  I know this because many times I can see that they already have their mind made up about what they are going to do, and when they ask us, it is more of a formality.  They aren’t looking for the answer we’d give, but rather validation that their decision won’t prevent them from achieving their goals.

What are you looking for, advice or validation?

I bring this all up to both clients and advisors that we should all be more cognizant.  When asking your financial partner’s opinion on something, think long and hard before engaging.  Really ask yourself, do you want, and are you ready to act on the advice?  Or are you simply looking for some validation on your decisions?

For advisors, it cuts the same two ways, and I have even started asking clients this before answering.  Is this a question, Mr. and Mrs. client, you truly want my answer and advice on, or have you made up your mind and are simply looking for validation?

It is important to know that our default is always to give you the cold, hard truth.  If that is not what you are looking for in a specific question or scenario, make sure to address that upfront or beware the consequences (sounds worse than it is, as the consequences are only our unfiltered expertise).

These are all lessons I wouldn’t have known in my first year in this business.  Being a student of the game, plus Mr. Inflation’s great advice, has made me more in tune to realize that advice isn’t always what someone wants to hear.  However, the best situation is making sure you and I understand the assignment from the get-go.

Hope you are staying warm and, of course, stay wealthy, healthy, and happy.