A Blog with No Answers, Just One Big Question

A Blog with No Answers, Just One Big Question

Odd title for a blog no, and additionally one that does not necessarily warrant a read.  I mean why would anyone read a blog that out of the gate tells you there is nothing to be learned over the next 3-4 minutes of reading?  Sadly, as the blog suggests, I have no answers.

That said I do have a question I’ve been internally and externally debating for a while now and I’d like to share it with those of you who made it to paragraph two!  The question at the highest level is can you teach your kids work ethic, or struggle, without them having to endure it for themselves? 

The Debate

Let me do a better job of framing the debate I’ve been having with both myself and close friends.  It goes something like this.  I’ve been fortunate enough and successful enough in my career that my children, especially the younger ones, have not seen me struggle professionally, knock on wood.  They didn’t see my wife and I scrimp and save to get by in the early days or see me drive all over South Jersey in the red dragon hoping someone would buy life insurance from me (for those that were wondering, it was an old Oldsmobile that I had to hide from my wife when we started dating for fear it would be a deal breaker).  They don’t remember that modest town home we lived in Trolley Square because I was underwater in my condo in Philly, another thanks to the ’08 housing bubble.  Or the fact that when I came to Diversified, after the ’08 crisis, I was desperate to find a steady job that paid anything as I was about to get married.  I tell you this simply to help frame the question at hand as now they live a relatively privileged life and I’m very proud of that fact, but.

This is the genesis of the debate if you asked me, I’d say I learned so much and the “struggle” in my career was very integral to my personal success, like many of you reading this now can certainly identify with.  So, let’s discuss more, shall we? 

Struggle

Is it truly important that your kids see you struggle to know what hard work and determination really is?  Or more importantly, will they have to do their own struggle in life to understand how to persevere through so that they can reach their ultimate potential?  I think a lot of people credit their success to that struggle and would full-heartedly agree that the struggle is real.  Not only that I believe the court of public opinion would say you need that struggle to make you street tough and ready to conquer whatever it is you desire.

Now, if that was the answer my blog would be both misleading and one-sided.  Thus, let us take a look at the opposite side.  The question then goes something like this.  Conversely, can you teach your children the struggle, and can they appreciate it as much without having to go through those tough times that you or I had to do?  In an ideal world, I’d hope the answer is yes as I know personally, I’d love to take all my hard work and help my children have a better life than I had, as isn’t every parent’s dream.  I don’t want my kids to have to struggle like I once did, yet I want them to have the same appreciation, work ethic, and drive that I believe is integral to success.  But can it be learned without starting at the bottom?  Can it be learned and adopted without the “struggle?”

I suppose the debate is a little have your cake and eat it too, right?  But honestly, who wants a nice piece of cake in front of them and just stare at it?  The point of the cake is to devour it and still appreciate it, no?  Why do I have to bake the cake to eat and enjoy it?

Wanting The Best

I, like all of you, want the very best for my children.  I want them to experience the world, be happy, and carve their own destiny.  I also want to use every resource I have to help them in their drive and life as they are literally my everything.  That said I don’t want a bunch of spoiled, entitled, unappreciative, little brats as kids.  I think if I can be purposeful and intentional to have these discussions with them along the way perhaps they can achieve all their successes yet learn to work hard and be appreciative every step of the way regardless of the struggle.  There will still be struggles and lessons to be lived not taught, or so I think, regardless of how you set your children up. 

I have learned a lot as a parent and one of those things is that children will live their own lives regardless and make their own mistakes.  But can we help them or say differently teach them these lessons and truly have them absorb them without living them?

I honestly don’t even know which side of the equation I fall on, but I think if push comes to shove, I can teach my kids these life lessons and although not a panacea for it all can certainly give them the tools that I wish I had when I started my long career. 

A lot to ponder and if you followed by babbling long enough you likely have more questions than answers after reading this as well.  I welcome your own thoughts and ruminations as this one has me perplexed.

That said one thing I know for sure and that is please stay wealthy, healthy, and happy!