I’ll Show You Mine, If You Show Me Yours (Money Story, That Is)

I’ll Show You Mine, If You Show Me Yours (Money Story, That Is)

Thought I’d get a little provocative with this blog, as you can tell. You see, everyone treats money and their finances differently. For most of us, those habits are formed in our impressionable years growing up. We latch on to how our parents and family handled money, or the lack thereof. It really is remarkable how those lived lessons have such an outsized impact on how we function today.

For some, our parents were terrible with money, so we became super conservative (or just as terrible). For others, maybe the family was super frugal or charitable, and that has a disproportionate effect on their finances today. Whatever it is, I pride myself on being an open book and on learning while I teach. So I thought it would be fun to share some self-reflection I was pondering the other day.

Background

For half my childhood, I watched my father build a successful telecommunications business. We were always comfortable, and as he became more successful, we became increasingly comfortable. I watched him work nights and weekends. I saw him make work calls on the way to Sixers games and even tagged along on a few work pickups. At our peak, we’d have been considered upper middle class, give or take.

We were cruising, and it was fun watching my father reap the rewards of his tireless work. We took a nice vacation every year, my parents drove nice cars (nothing crazy), and we lived in a very normal, modest home (think 4 beds, 2.5 baths). It was a great childhood, and I’m very thankful to both my parents for the opportunities they gave us. They prioritized their kids and family, and they were financially responsible.

Then 1999/2000 happened. My dad was driving home from work with a major migraine and popped into his friend’s office, who happened to be a neurosurgeon (good to have connected friends). That evening he was in surgery having tumors removed from his lymph nodes. I was away at college, and as they say, that was the day the music died. My father was left with a permanent disability (he passed years later at the early age of 61), and the business couldn’t sustain itself without him at the helm.

The story isn’t all bad. Great financial planning saved my family (a debt of gratitude I’m still trying to repay). My father saved well and had great insurance to protect us through both disability and death.

Today

So how has this shaped my finances as an adult? Well, we still prioritize family and vacations. More interestingly, though, I am a product of my upbringing. I have taken drastic measures to protect against a tragedy like my father’s happening to me. I’ve made myself replaceable at work if something were to happen. I carry tons of death and disability insurance. I keep my mortgage minimal, and college is well on the way to being paid for. Oh, and I save vigorously every month and every year, socking away as much as possible for retirement.

In essence, I’ve done everything I can to make sure my family will be OK if tragedy strikes me early, like it did my father. Here’s the interesting thing: until recently, all of this happened subconsciously. I’d love to tell you it was all preplanned, but honestly, I don’t think I was emotionally or psychologically aware enough to realize what I was doing.

I know this is why I got into the business of helping safeguard others while helping them achieve their life goals. But I find it fascinating that I spend so much time asking others about their money story, and what shaped them, yet I had never done the exercise myself. The shoemaker’s children go barefoot, right?

Thoughts

Every day I have conversations with people about their history with money. It’s remarkable how often someone says, “Oh, I do this because I saw my parents do that.” The lesson for me is twofold.

First, we are truly influenced by our upbringing, and recognizing it helps you understand your strengths, weaknesses, and blind spots. You may not realize why you are the way you are, but once you do, you can see things far more objectively.

Second, you are doing it to your children right now, whether you realize it or not. Do what you want with that information, but know you’re shaping your kids’ relationship with money more than you can imagine. Monkey see, monkey do. Just make sure you’re OK with what they’re seeing.

Your turn. Show me yours!

Hope you enjoyed this blog as always and miss ya big man! Stay wealthy, healthy, and happy.